Left Behind with Nothing Left
by Twilight-Addict1430
Summary: Bella moved to Forks after her mom died. Follows the books up until Edward leaves, what happens when Bella has nothing left? *Warning: Character Death**Cutting/Suicide* Slight OOC? Better than it sounds.
1. Left Behind

**Title: **Left Behind with Nothing Left  
**Summary: **Bella moved to Forks after her mom died. Follows the books up until Edward leaves, what happens when Bella has nothing left??? ***Warning**: Character Death**Cutting/Suicide* Slight OOC?**  
Disclaimer: **Even though I wish on every shooting star I see everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer and not me!

***PLOT: Bella moved to Forks after her mom died in a car accident. The rest follows the books up to where Edward runs into the woods.**

I ran faster than I have ever run before, but not into the woods and towards Edward. I ran away, towards my house. _How could he not love me anymore? How could he not care after everything we've been through? After everything I put him through? WHY? HOW?_

I stormed through the door, slamming it and sinking down to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my back against the door. I began to sob uncontrollably. I'm not sure how long I had been there before I stood up on shaky legs. I walked carefully up to my room and noticed that the pictures in my album and my CD were gone.

"_I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." _Edward's words echoed through my head over and over again and I couldn't help falling into my bed, burying my face in my pillow and crying more. I didn't want him to make that promise. I want the exact opposite. I want him back and I want to remember him every second of the day.

I finally found my strength once more and rose from my bed. I walked down the stairs but tripped on the last one. I fell flat on my face. I half expected to be caught by the ice cold hands that normally caught me before I fell, but I wasn't and that hurt worse than the fall.

I made my way to kitchen and started to make Spaghetti for dinner. Nothing to hard or complicated since the only thing on my mind was _"He's gone." _I poured the can of Ragu in the pot and started boiling some noodles.

Charlie made it home on time and I had dinner on the table. I tried my hardest to act cheerful and enthusiastic, but I don't think I succeeded very well.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about Bella" Charlie asked.

"Nope" was all I could manage without giving my façade away but I knew he already saw it and was getting aggravated.

"I heard at work that the Cullens left. I guess Dr. Cullen received a better off somewhere else and decided to move his family once more. How are you holding up?"

I know he's just trying to be helpful but can't he just leave well enough alone. I'm trying my hardest not to break down once again but all his interrogating is just making it that much harder.

"I'm fine dad. Don't worry." I faked a smile and he must have bought it for the moment because he seemed to drop it. "Well, I'm going to head to room if there's nothing else you need."

"I'm fine Bells. But aren't you going to eat?" His expression was full of concern and a little anger.

"I'm not hungry." And with that I made a dash up the stairs only tripping once. I managed to catch myself before I hit the floor. I heard Charlie saying something but never once looked back. I just needed my refuge before my walls crumbled once more.

I collapsed on my bed and began to stare at the ceiling. I turned on the radio thinking that could help to distract my mind away from the pain but the song didn't help.

_How do I get through one night without you  
If I had to live without you  
What kind of life would that be  
Oh I, I need you in my arms  
Need you to hold  
You're my world, my heart, my soul_

If you ever leave  
Baby you would take away everything good in my life  
And tell me now

How do I live without you  
I want to know  
How do I breathe without you  
If you ever go  
How do I ever, ever survive  
How do I  
How do I  
Oh, how do I live

Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky  
There would be no love in my life  
There'd be no world left for me  
And I, oh Baby, I don't know what I would do  
I'd be lost if I lost you  
If you ever leave  
Baby you would take away everything real in my life  
And tell me now…

And with that I flipped the radio back off. I can't take all these sappy love songs while my heart was torn into a million pieces. I continued to stare at the ceiling letting silent tears fall down face and onto my pillow. I needed a way to let some of this pain out. I immediately picked up some paper and a pencil. I was never that good at drawing but I felt a strange urge to draw.

I'm not sure how long I had been drawing but it was looking pretty good. I didn't realize what I was drawing at first. It just flowed through my arm and onto the paper but eventually I saw it unfolding before my eyes. It was a picture of Edward's back leaving me while standing in the woods with my head hung. It was very dark but it helped ease the pain.

Once my drawing was nearing completion I sat my instruments on the floor next to my bed and silently cried myself to sleep. I wanted those cold arms to be wrapped around me and I wanted that cold body next to me. I decided to leave the window open just in case he decided he really didn't want to be away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Weeks went by and everyday pretty much ran like the first one did. I did start to eat every now and then but it was never much. I had lost everything since Edward left. The only reason I was still around was because of Charlie.

School wasn't the same. I didn't talk to anyone and no one talked to me and I really didn't care. My whole body was empty. There was nothing left but an empty shell. At lunch I sat at a table alone and drew. It had become my new outlet. It let me convey my feelings without talking. It really helped. My life consisted of me, Charlie, and drawing.

Of course, the rumors were flying around school about why the Cullens left and every time I heard the name it my heart tear into even more pieces. It hurt but I tried to ignore most of it.

Today, however, it was not as easy. I had made it through another day and was heading to my truck when someone that was in my Biology class approached me. He looked very cocky and I knew this was not going to end well.

"Bella, I have a question. I heard that Cullen left because he didn't want to have to break up with you and face the tears and broken heart of a girl. He didn't want to be the one that had to see you every day. So he just took off without a word so you could put yourself back together and he wouldn't have to see you anymore."

That was it. My heart had finally turned to powder and I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know why he didn't love me anymore and I couldn't tell people he was a vampire and dangerous. I just ran to my truck and drove as fast as my truck would let me all the way home with tears forming in my eyes blurring my vision.

I ran up the stairs and onto my bed. I started to draw but it just wasn't helping. A new idea came to me as I walked to the bathroom. I found my razor and popped the blade off. I went back to my room with the blade in one hand and some tissue in the other.

As I ran the blade across my skin the first time, not that deep the emotional pain in my heart started to ease a little bit. I cut three marks onto the inside of my upper arm and it made the pain a lot more bearable. The cuts weren't deep enough for stitches but they would probably scar for awhile. I wiped the blood away trying not to get any on my bed. I didn't want to draw Charlie's attention to my new stress relief.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Months went by and so did Christmas and New Year. I spent it with Charlie, of course. What else did I have left? My new canvas was starting to show and I belong to where long sleeves all the time but with so much rain and snow no one thought anything of it. I liked my new method.

One morning, I woke and went downstairs. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table ready for work but I could tell he was distracted with something else. On the table was a bowl of cereal, two pieces or toast, and a glass of orange juice ready for me to eat. There was definitely something going on.

"I fixed you breakfast and I would like to talk to you." Charlie informed me as I took a seat with a raised eyebrow and a cautious stance. "You are always in your room. You never go out with friends and this is just not healthy. I know Edward and the Cullens leaving hurt you deeply but maybe you should start to move on with your life. I think you should find someone to hang out with and maybe talk to a professional."

That was the last straw. I was mad now and there was no turning back. "WHAT?! NO! I don't have any other friends. I don't want them and they don't want me and that's fine!!! I don't want to talk to a SHRINK!!!! And I just want to be left alone! I am fine by myself! I am just waiting until I can graduate and get out of this STUPID PLACE!!!!! Just leave me alone! I am 18 years old and I can take care of myself and you!!!" His look turned from mad with a little worry to a lot of worry and a little mad. I actually felt guilty for exploding but I felt somewhat better too.

"Bells, I am just worried about you. You can't put your life on hold forever for someone who left. Please just try to find something to do so you're not always just sitting in your room alone. It worries me. It also worries me how much weight you have lost. You look like a skeleton with skin. You need to start taking better care of your body. You are the only thing I have left."

"Okay" was all I could respond with. I felt so guilty for making him worry and he was right about my weight. I looked bad but I just couldn't find my appetite anymore.

"Well, I need to get to work. I'm going to be late because I have to go to Port Angeles and help with some gang activity out there so don't worry about cooking dinner. I will pick something up while I'm out. Be careful and get out of the house. Love you." With that, he kissed the top of my head and walked out the door.

I drove to school very slow this morning, thinking about the conversation I had with my dad and about how bad I felt for making the one thing I had left worry so much. I don't want him to hurt. That's the last thing in the world that I want.

The whole day was boring and drifted by very slowly. I was trying to come up with something to do to get me out of the house after school. I was trying to take Charlie's advice and maybe it would make me feel better.

By the end of school I had come up with the decision to go to the park and walk around. The sun would be good for me. I was starting to look like a vampire myself with the color of my skin. I drove to the park, parked my truck and got out. I walked around enjoying the little children running around playing. I felt sadness when I saw a couple walking along the path, kissing and giving off the love vibe. It just made me miss him more.

I found a corner of the park were no was and laid down under a tree. It reminded of the meadow that Edward used to hang out in. It was a very cloudy day and it was a little on the chilly side but that didn't stop me from drifting off to sleep.

I woke to cold rain hitting my face which mixed with the warm tears that had been silently falling from my eyes while I was asleep. I decided that this was a good time to go home because the sun was starting to sit low in the sky.

I walked back to my truck, got in, and drove home at a slow pace. There was no reason for me to be in a hurry. Charlie would still be at work and I was going home to an empty house again.

Once home I walked in the door and immediately noticed I had a message on the answering machine. I pushed the flashing red button and listened.

"You have one new message. Hello. I am looking for an Isabella Swan. This is from Forks General Hospital. We have a Charlie Swan here and he was involved in a serious accident today. If you could please report to the hospital as soon as you can we can discuss his condition in more detail. Thanks." BEEP!

After listening to the message my heart dissolved and my stomach sank. I fell to my knees and cried…

**THANKS! I plan on updating soon if anyone wants to read the rest. Just leave me a review and let me know. Thanks again! **


	2. Nothing Left

I slowly stood up as my whole body trembled under the pressure that the message had put on me. I walked to my truck and got in. I drove as fast as my truck would go and right into a parking spot at the hospital. I got out and walked into the entrance and up to the front desk. The lady at the desk must have been expecting me and known who I was because she looked scared and immediately paged Dr. Campbell.

"He will be with you shortly." She said as she hurriedly went about her business not looking at me for fear of crying. "Please just have a seat."

I turned and found a seat against the wall and sat. I wasn't sitting long before a tall dark haired doctor strolled up to me. "You must be Isabella Swan." I nodded and stood with fear and pain in my eyes. "Please sit back down. You're father was brought into this Emergency Room after receiving a fatal gunshot wound to his chest by a gang member he was trying to apprehend. We worked on him for a long time and during surgery we lost his heartbeat and were not able to get it back no matter how hard we tried. I am so sorry."

I could not believe what he was saying. Was he telling me my father, the one and only thing I had left, was dead?!?! No, he couldn't be. My whole world was crumbling and there was nothing I could to do to stop it. What am I suppose to do now?

"He's dead?" I quietly asked while I sunk further down into the chair. My whole body was going limp and my mind was so blank and surprised. Tears started to pour down my face like a waterfall and all the color that I had left in pale skin drained. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder but I so wished that it was an ice cold one from my vampire family.

"Yes. I am so very sorry but Charlie Swan is deceased. It will all be okay Isabella." I didn't even have the strength to correct my name. "I do have some paperwork to fill out for funeral arrangements and insurance documents."

After spending a couple of hours getting everything in order for the funeral with the doctor, I slowly strolled out of the hospital still in shock. It still didn't feel real and I don't think I was ready to handle it yet. I drove very slowly all the way to my house and walked inside.

I immediately went upstairs and walked into Charlie's room. It was just as he left it this morning when he went to work. It was now very late at night, almost early the next morning. I felt like my lungs were closing in on themselves and I couldn't be in this be in his room anymore. I ran to my room and collapsed into my bed.

I curled up in a ball and began to sob uncontrollably into my pillow. The tears kept falling and I realized what I needed. I needed to release some of the emotional pain so I grabbed my blade from my bedside table and began to draw on my canvas, my arms.

It felt to relieving to feel pain on the outside that matched the pain on the inside. It helped to alleviate just a little of the emotional conflict. I watched the blood run down my arm and I caught it in a rag I had. It was easier now because there was no one to answer to. I had no one left to ask questions. I was alone and there was nothing I could do about it.

I carefully carved the word LONELY down one arm and HELP down the other. I cut them deeper and cleaner than I normally do. They would be there for a long time but that was okay with me. It was a reminder that I had nothing left to live for and no one to save me. I wrapped both my arms with gauze and got back into bed letting more tears stream down my face as I drifted off to bed. I was hoping it would be a peaceful dreaming sleep but I was wrong.

_I was in a huge, brightly lit room. It was very magnificent. I was surrounded by everyone that I had ever cared about. I saw Renee, Charlie, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, and all my friends from school. Everyone looked happy and I felt amazing and cheerful for once in a long time. Slowly it began to rain blood and one by one everyone started disappearing with a slight smile on their face. First to go was my mom then the kids from school. Next, all the Cullens except Edward disappeared. I ran to Edward and held onto him so tight. I couldn't let him go again. He looked down at me with a painful smile as the room began to go dark and blood began to rain down harder. He disappeared right out of my arms and I fell to the ground crying. My father walked over to me picked me up and sat me on my own feet and then disappeared himself. I was left alone covered with blood in a pitch black room. _

I woke up shaking all over. I was covered in cold sweat and my eyes were pouring hot tears. It was cold in the room due to the window being open. I never could bring myself to closing it, just in case he decides to come back.

Three days went by rather slow and painfully. I sat at home, cleaned up, and rearranged a little bit. I never did touch Charlie's room. I couldn't bring myself to even go in there again. I shut the door and wouldn't even look at it again. It was too painful.

Today was the funeral where I have to face the reality and everyone that Charlie knew. I drove to the funeral and sat in the front. It was a traditional police funeral. It was very sad but I cried so much I felt as though I couldn't breathe. After the service was the burial. It was even sadder because this is where he was going to lie forever and it was not with me.

After the burial, everyone left. I sat there on the mound of dirt and grass, next to the flowers and cried. I stared at the stone that read:  
_Charlie Swan  
Devoted father, Devoted husband, and Devoted policeman  
You will be missed by all forever_

I was there well into the darkness and got soaked from head to toe from the pouring rain that fell for hours. I slowly rose from the grave, got in my truck, and drove to my lonely dark house. The reality of loneliness hit me as I walked in the door. It hurt more than anything in the world.

I didn't even have the strength to make it up the stairs. I just collapsed on the couch in the living room and sobbed more than before. I needed someone to be there. I needed someone to ask me if I was okay. I needed someone to hold me, to cuddle me, and to comfort me close. I wanted my cold vampire to hold me, to cuddle me, and comfort me but all I had was the warm couch.

I finally fell asleep but I had the same nightmare I had before. It was the exact same dream and I woke the exact same way as last time too. I had tears running down my face, cold sweat all over my forehead, and my whole body was trembling. I rolled over and fell onto the floor. I couldn't even stand. I just rolled up on the floor and sobbed into the carpet while listening to the rain pour down outside.

I woke back up from a very uneasy sleep the next day around 11 am. I walked to the kitchen and poured me a bowl of cereal. It was the first thing I had eaten in two days, but it didn't taste good at all. I hated food these days.

As soon as I was done eating, I ran to the bathroom. I got sick and threw it all back up. I sat in the bathroom and cried while leaning on the bathtub. I finally stood and walked into my room. I knew what I had to do. I grabbed some paper and a pencil and started writing.

**Thanks for the reviews!!! I really appreciate them. Well, I know this is short, but I didn't want to reveal too much at the end. I need to keep you coming back. Hehe! Keep up the reviews and I'll update soon!!!**


	3. The end?

**AN: Sorry it's been a little while since I updated. I can't figure out the best way to write this chapter. I have started it a couple ways but we'll see how it goes. Plus I was on a trial of Microsoft Word and it expired; but I'm back now!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight not matter how hard I wish it true. **

**Edward POV: **

We all sat in our house in Alaska. We had decided that's where we should go after we left Forks. It was pretty boring here. We had decided to wait to start school and we never had much to do. Everyone went hunting. Carlisle and Esme read a lot while Jasper and Emmett played video games. Of course, Alice and Rosalie were always shopping. I just sat in my room all the time staring at the ceiling. Esme had asked me to play the piano but I couldn't find the strength to do it. It reminded me too much of her.

I had been so miserable since leaving. I didn't want to go but I knew it had to be done. It was just not safe for her to be around us all. Everyone was sad but no one was as miserable as me. I was more miserable now than I was before I had met her. I had a whole inside me full of sadness and loneliness. I longed to go running back there but I vowed to keep my promise to her. I would never return there again. It was like I had never met her.

I'm sure she had been hurt and probably miserable but she is human and it will all fade. She probably moved on by now and I hoped that she had. I didn't want her to hurt or be lonely. No one was allowed to go see her. Everyone had that understanding. We could not let her see us or showed that we still cared. We just had to disappear forever. I told Alice not to keep "tabs" on her. I didn't want to see the images in Alice's mind. I didn't want to see my Bella move on to something bigger and better. I was too miserable. Alice had reluctantly agreed and she "tuned" out Bella's decisions and visions.

It had been awhile since we had left Washington. I'm not exactly sure how long because all the days blended together. It was a normal day. Carlisle and Esme sat on one couch reading books, snuggling close to each other. Jasper and Emmett sat on another couch in front of the television playing some shooting game where they were very competitive. Alice and Rosalie sat on the floor looking at fashion magazines and I sat on a loveseat trying to read a book but my mind was too distracted.

Suddenly, Alice gasped and stared into space. Jasper was by her side in a heartbeat. I focused in on her mind to see what she was seeing….

I saw the whole vision and my body was frozen in shock as Alice's began to shake as she dry sobbed. Everyone looked from me to Alice hoping to get some kind of answers. They were shocked themselves but not because they knew what was going to happen but because they saw our reactions. Jasper tried his hardest to send calming vibes through the room but they didn't penetrate my shock that well.

_Bella _was all my mind kept thinking over and over again as I finally stood. I had to do something. I couldn't let this vision come true. We didn't have that much time left, only a couple of hours if I was correct.

"Alright," I started trying to gain composure and authority to this situation "me, Alice, and Carlisle need to go right now. The rest of you need to pack whatever we may need and drive later on back to Forks." Everyone's expressions changed from shocked and confused to just plain confused.

"Forks?" Emmett asked first. "Why are we going back to Forks?"

What was I going to say? I can't explain what I saw. I couldn't make it reality and we didn't have time for explanations. Alice squeaked out a "Bella" whisper and everyone's expressions turned to concern and worry.

"Fine, let's go. We'll take the Mercedes. It has anything we might need in it and I will drive because neither of you are in any shape to drive and you can explain what you saw on the way." Carlisle finished as we all stood and ran at vampire speed to the car. Carlisle drove, I sat in the passenger seat, and Alice sat in the backseat.

We drove as fast as the Mercedes would go but it was still going to take a couple hours. We explained the situation to Carlisle as he drove and he understood what the emergency was all about. None of us could lose Bella. She was still family even if we didn't live together and she was the love of my life. This was going to be a long painful ride to Forks since I was so stuck in my thoughts.

**Bella POV:**

_I knew what I had to do. I grabbed some paper and a pencil and started writing._

Once I was done. I was satisfied. I put both sheets of paper on the desk in my room. I realized that the tools I had already would not work. I changed into a pair of light blue jeans and a dark navy blue long sleeved shirt. I got into my truck and drove to the hardware store to get me some new "tools" I needed for the job I had to do today.

I finally got home from the hardware store because I took my time. I wasn't in a hurry. There was no one that cared so I could take all the time in the world. I decided that before I performed my job I wanted to finish one picture I had not yet finished. I sat down on my bed and swiftly drew and shaded. It took about an hour or so to finish it and I slid it in the album that now held the many pictures I had drawn through my depression.

Now was the time. It felt perfect. I grabbed the pieces of paper off the desk, the bag from the hardware store, and the album of pictures and headed to the bathroom. I closed and locked the door, just in case. I put the lid of the toilet down and set the album and papers on it. I grabbed the hardware bag and pulled out my "tool". I opened the box and pulled out a brand new, extremely sharp razorblade and admired it. I climbed into the bathtub and rolled up my sleeves. I knew what I was doing was right. I couldn't take the loneliness anymore. I couldn't take disappointment.

I took the razorblade and slit my wrist, pushing down fairly hard so it would go deep. I did the same to my other wrist. I sat and watched the blood pour into the bathtub. I wanted it to be slow and painful.

_No more loneliness. No more disappointment. After everything I just can't take it anymore. Everyone I loved has left and there is no one left to stop this from happening. That's okay. I don't want this to stop from happening. I want to die. This life I live has nothing left to offer me and I have nothing to offer it. I'm tired of being the empty shell that everyone looks at with self pity. I don't need pity. I need to be released. I need to get out of this hell I call life. I need out and this was the one way I could think of. Now it's going to be over. _

I'm not sure how long I was laying her wallowing in self pity and thanking the death that was coming, but the darkness was starting to come and I was welcoming it with welcome arms.

Suddenly I was whipped out of my dream of death by pounding on the door. Then the door flew open as the frame shattered. Edward, Carlisle, and Alice came flying in the room. NO! They could not stop this from happening. I wanted this. I had to have this happen. They left so they have no say in if I had to live or if I could die.

Edward jumped in the tub with me as Carlisle bent down next to it. I knew they were going to try and stop the blood from pouring and I couldn't let that happen. I felt one pair of cold hands on one arm while there was another pair on my other arm. They were going to fix me physically but I couldn't let that happen.

"NO!" I tried to scream but it came out a little louder than a whisper. I struggled against their arms. My heart sped up and the blood gushed out faster. I continued to struggle even though I was very weak and I had two vampires holding my arms. "This is my choice!"

"Calm down, Bella." Edward soothed trying to make the blood stop coming so fast. "You're just making it come out faster. Stop fighting us and let us help you." I shook my head trying to tell him to leave me.

"Just leave me alone. Let me go. You don't love me anyways so why should you even care. Just walk back out the door and out of my life again." I replied trying to sound strong and mean but it just came out weak. I was losing consciousness.

"Bella, we all love you with everything we have and there is no way we could sit by and let you die even if that's what you want. I'm sorry. Please calm down." Carlisle's voice was very stern but caring at the same time. I missed him. I missed them all really bad. I loved Edward with all my being but was it enough to stay even after he left me.

I felt gauze being wrapped tightly around both wrists and felt a tourniquet being tied around both upper arms, not too tight though. They didn't want me to lose all blood circulation to my arms. It started to hurt now, but why? Was it because I'm not alone? Or because I started to doubt killing myself? I had a family again…well sort of.

I was now fighting the darkness because I didn't want to lose sight of my family. I couldn't risk losing them again. I wouldn't be able to take it. I heard talking but couldn't make out what they were saying. Before I knew it I was lifted and carried to Carlisle's car outside. I was laid in the back seat and Edward slid in under my head, propping my body up. Alice was in the passenger seat and Carlisle drove. I knew where we were going. It was one place I really hated and I will probably hate now even more, the hospital.

"Thanks." I broke the silence but I was drifting too far into unconsciousness to say any more. My arms were still losing blood. It wasn't as fast as they were before but I was still in danger. Even after fighting it for so long the darkness was swallowing me.

"Stay awake, Bella. Please try." Carlisle was the last thing I heard. I tried to whisper "sorry", but I'm not sure if it ever actually came out. I looked up and saw Edward's face full or worry, concern, and guilt and then nothing but darkness.

**Edward POV: **

She fell limp in my arms and I knew we were on a timeline. She was still bleeding and it was starting to come through the gauze. I was so worried about her but I also felt guilty. How could I have let this happen? Where was Charlie to stop this? How was she going to leave her father alone? Didn't I leave to keep her safe? What about keeping her safe from herself?

We finally arrived at the hospital and I carried her inside following Carlisle while Alice followed me. We stopped at the front desk and Carlisle spoke to the lady at the desk. She handed him a white coat and he instructed me to follow him. I didn't hear what they talked about but I'm guessing it was about letting him be Bella's doctor since he formerly worked here. I looked down at my broken angel. It was so sad to see her like this. It was heartbreaking.

I sat her on a bed while nurses started giving her an IV and unwrapping the gauze. They followed everything Carlisle told them. _Edward, please go wait in the waiting room. I will let you know something as soon as possible._ I nodded to Carlisle letting him know I heard his thoughts and walked back to the waiting room where Alice was standing.

We both sat down next to each other and that's when I saw that she had some things from the bathroom in her hands. She had two slips of paper and she had an album of some sort. We decided to look at the papers first. We unfolded the first and it read:

_To whoever finds me:  
I'm Isabella Marie Swan. I am so sorry you found me. I would never wish this on anyone. I went to Forks High School. Please tell them about my death and tell them I'm so sorry. I just couldn't do it anymore. Everything just got too much. The pressure on my shoulders was too much and I crumbled. I slipped through the cracks. Tell everyone not to blame themselves or anyone else, for that matter. It was nobody's fault. It was my own decision and no one could have talked me out of it. I'm sorry again._

Sincerely,_  
__Bella_

Me and Alice looked at each other, but really couldn't say anything. We just decided to read the next note together. It read:

_Dear Cullen Family,  
I don't even know if you will ever read this but it makes me feel better if I write it out as if you would come back and find it. You were all always so nice to me. I love you so much. You were the complete family I was wanted and finally got. You guys were my everything. Carlisle and Esme, thank you so much for being the caring and loving parents I always wanted. You were there no matter what I had gotten myself into. I'm going to miss your caring faces. Jasper, thanks for being like a brother to me. I will miss the calmness you always seemed to be passing my way. Rosalie, we were never that close but I still considered you a sister. Thanks for being there. Emmett, thanks for being my big brother. I will miss the bear hugs you always gave me. Alice, you were the bestest sister I could have asked for. I will miss you and the shopping trips. Edward, you are the love of my life. Thank you for making me feel whole again. You were my everything and I love you with all of my heart. If you ever do return I'm sorry I'm not waiting with open arms. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Everything got be too much and I didn't know what to do. I was tired of being alone all the time. Just know it is NOT your faults and make Edward believe it too. I love you guys with everything I have left. _

_Love always,  
__Bella_

Wow. I was shocked. I knew all this already but reading it written in her hand writing just made it sink in more. I looked to Alice who was dry sobbing. I rubbed her shoulder and she slowly stopped. We both looked at the album wondering if we wanted to know what was in there. Alice slowly opened the album and what I saw took my breath away, not that I needed to breathe. I didn't know Bella drew.

The first page had a picture of all of us, the Cullen family, and Bella. It was amazing. It was a sad picture in a way though. Everyone had a serious face and the background was sad and gloomy. The second page made me want to sob. It was a picture of me leaving Bella in the woods while her head hung in sadness. It was dark. I flipped the page to find a picture of an empty school hallway. You could see the sadness in the drawing and you could see figures but they were leaving and had their backs turned. The next page showed two arms and hands. Each hand had a razorblade in it and each arm had a word carved down it. One said LONELY and the other said HELP. There was blood drawn all over the background of this picture. The next showed two gravestones. I couldn't make out who's they were but Charlie was standing between them and there was fog taking up the whole picture. You could barely make out it was Charlie. The last page showed Bella lying in the bathtub with both wrists slit and the bathtub full of blood.

Everything in this album was so dark, sad, and lonely. That's what her life is full of and I was a culprit of adding a big part of that sadness. I felt so guilty and so did Alice. I put my hand on her shoulder and we both sat lost in our own thoughts. We were pulled out of our thoughts by Carlisle coming through the door looking confident but worried. Alice and I stood immediately meeting him half way across the room.

"She's stable and resting. It was close but everything will be fine. She will make a full physical recovery. I'm not sure about the mental and emotional. We'll have to see what happens when she wakes up." Carlisle reassured as and we both sighed in relief. Just at that time Esme, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie came through the door.

"How is she?" Esme asked in a worried motherly tone.

"She is going to be fine, physically." Carlisle announced. They all looked up confused by what he meant by physically. None of them knew that Bella had tried to commit suicide and I knew this would not be good. _You haven't told them yet? _Carlisle questioned in his mind. I shook my head. Everyone looked so confused and curious to Carlisle. "Um… well, Bella tried to commit suicide."

Everyone gasped and Esme began to dry sob. Everybody's eyes held hurt and pain and so did their thoughts. _How did this happen? What happened that was so bad she had to kill herself? I can't believe my little sister tried to kill herself. Oh my god, she needed us that bad. _Everyone's thoughts clouded my mind.

"Well, you all can go see her. Just be careful, I'm not sure what her mental status is as at the moment because she hasn't woken up yet." Carlisle finished as he walked over to the front desk to writ out some paperwork.

We all slowly walked down the hall, me in front. We reached her room and I turned the handle…

_***Sorry guys had to leave a little suspense. I plan on writing at least one more chapter if you want it. If you do want it then you have to let me know, so leave me a review. Thanks!!!**_


	4. Something to live for

***Thanks so much for the reviews and support. I have wanted to post but not long after I posted Chapter 3 my computer was infected by a virus and shut down. My dad, a computer genius worked really hard for weeks to try and save my stuff but it was too bad so we wiped the hard drive clean and I lost the chapter 4 that I had already written but not posted yet and the thousands of pictures I had on my computer. I have finally gotten my computer back and rewrote Chapter 4. I AM SOOOO SORRY!***

**Disclaimer: I own none of it!**

**Edward POV:**

The site we all saw was horrific. I had seen it before at her house but I was too concerned about getting the bleeding to slow. I hadn't noticed how skinny she was. You could see her cheekbones jutting out and her arms were so tiny. We couldn't see much more than that due to the fact she was under a blanket.

I heard everyone behind me gasp and many concerned thoughts hit my mind but I didn't listen. I was too busy staring at my broken angel. Could I fix her or was it too late?

I walked to the bedside and sat down on a chair that was stationed by the bed. Everyone else walked into the room more. Esme, Alice, and Rosalie sat on a couch that was up against the wall on the opposite side of the room and Jasper and Emmet stood beside the couch. No one took their eyes off Bella.

Carlisle walked in the room a couple minutes later and strolled over to the couch to stand with his sons. Alice decided to show them the letters and album. Their thoughts bombarded my mind. _Wow. They're beautiful. I didn't know Bella could draw. They are so sad… She really is broken. She missed us so much. She needed us and we weren't here. Will she ever be whole again?_

I had many of the same thoughts myself. Would she be okay one day? Would she go back to the Bella I knew with some work? Would she be able to ever overcome this? What is Charlie going to think? Should someone call him to let him know where to find his daughter? I decided I would let him know after she wakes up.

We had all been sitting in her room quietly for about an hour when she finally started to move and her eyelids began to flutter.

**Bella POV:**

The lights were bright but I knew where I was. It had come back to me and I knew I had been taken to the hospital. My body was starting to hurt especially my arms when I felt a cold hand on my cheek. My Edward was here and I felt the hole inside me heal a little. I turned my head and saw my angel sitting in a chair and he had a sad smile on his face. I turned my head and saw his whole family standing behind him, all looking worried but also a little relieved.

"Hi" was all I could squeak out before I put a small smile on my face. They all faintly smiled at me.

"Hello, my love. You scared us all." Edward answered. I felt guilty for putting them through all the worrying. That was not my plan. My eyes fell to the blanket that was covering me up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you guys to worry. I didn't even think you would care if I was dead or not. You left and I thought you didn't care about me anymore and I just missed you all so much. I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't strong enough." Silent tears began to fall. I was ashamed.

"Of course we still care. You're family. We all love you more than anything else. We just wanted you to be safe, sweetie." Esme answered, stepping up and kissing my forehead gently.

"What she says is true. Everyone was miserable when we left. We just wanted you to be safe. The only way was to make you believe I didn't love you anymore and leave you so you could move on. That didn't work very well, obviously." Edward answered with a sad smile. "Speaking of worrying, I think Charlie will be very worried. I think we should call and tell him."

I knew this would be brought up eventually. I just wasn't ready for it yet. More tears began to fall and my head hung in sadness. There was no one to call. No one was left to call. I slowly lifted my head to look my "family" in the eyes.

"There is no one to call…" I slowly started and they all looked at me with confusion mixed into the concern. "My dad died about 5 days ago. It was the final straw that led to all of this. I was so lonely." Everyone gasped and looked at me with pity. I was sure they all wanted to hug me by the way their expressions were but I was too fragile at the moment.

I started to cry harder. It was getting to me and I couldn't fight it anymore. A sob slipped through my lips and I felt cold arms wrap around me. I cleared my blurry eyes and saw Edward lying next to me in the bed. I put my head on his chest and cried. It felt good. I felt whole again and it was the best feeling in the world. This is what I needed all along.

Everyone decided that I needed rest so they kissed my forehead and left. They said they needed to set their house back up because they were coming back to Forks. I was elated. I needed my family now more than I ever have.

I fell asleep happier than I have been in a long time in my vampire's cold embrace with my lullaby being hummed in my ear…

**Edward POV:**

I watched my angel sleep on my chest happily, knowing she was going to get through all of this. She had a long tough road in front of her but she could make it with the strength of our family.

I noticed the words carved onto her arms while she was sleeping. I couldn't believe her drawing was real. The arms in the picture, they was hers. She wasn't lonely anymore. We were all here to give her the help she needed. I knew it was going to be hard for everyone.

I still couldn't help feeling somewhat relieved that she was going to be okay and she was sleeping peacefully on my chest.

Carlisle walked into the room. _I convinced them that she didn't need to see a psychologist. I also told them she didn't need antidepressants. She can get through this without them. We'll get her through this. It will be tough for everyone. She can be released tomorrow afternoon. We're keeping her for observation. We will need to discuss living arrangements. I think it will be best if she moves in with us, but she has to make that decision. _

I nodded in agreement to our silent conversation. I would discuss it with her when she wakes up but I really hope she decides to come live with us. It would be better. Esme would cook for her and looking at the thin weak body, she needed some major nutrition. Carlisle would help with her health, getting her back to a healthy weight and with the stitches in her arm. Everyone else would help keep her company and help her to heal physically, mentally, and emotionally.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She slept for a long time close to me. She probably hasn't slept well in awhile and her body was trying to heal itself from the attempted death. It was weak and she needed the rest and I enjoyed watching her. Of course, Carlisle pulled some strings and I was able to stay with her all night. I didn't have to leave.

Finally, my love's eyes opened and it was great to see those brown eyes once again. They weren't completely full of pain this time and that was a joyous feeling.

"Good morning, my love." I smiled at her and her eyes lit up. I kissed her gently on the lips and she blushed the crimson blush I love so much.

"Good morning." She replied groggily. "What time is it exactly?"

"It is three o' clock in the morning. You were out for a long time but your healing body really needed the rest." She nodded shyly. "Carlisle says you can leave this evening. But we need to talk about living arrangements."

"I don't know if I can go back to my house yet. It hurts to be there." One tear slid down her face but she didn't look at me. She looked down and spoke. "But if you guys don't want me there, I understand. I am a bur-"

"Don't even finish that sentence. You are not a burden. We would love for you to live with us. That's what we were hoping you would say. We figured it would be healthy for you and it would make the family happy." She looked up with a shy smile on her face. She was happy that she would move in with us. We were the only thing she had left.

She yawned and snuggled back into my chest. I knew she was tired and weak. I hummed her lullaby and she was asleep in minutes.

I loved this feeling. We would be taking her home soon. I knew it would be a long road. We had to get her to eat again, talk to us about the pain, show her we still care, and I know there was probably some anger to deal with too… but I was ready to help.

***Alright. I'm sorry if it's short. I wrote it all in a couple hours. I wanted to post something today. So here it is. I can continue… just let me know if you want it to keep going or stop here. Thanks for all the reviews!!!***


	5. What now?

***Sorry guys. I had major writer's block. I knew what I wanted to happen but wasn't sure how to get it out… I finally got this written up and I'm pretty satisfied. I hope you enjoy. **

Bella POV:

I watched as the greenery of Forks passed by. I was riding in Carlisle's Mercedes heading to their house. I want to be able to call it "home" but it wasn't. Home is where the heart is but I felt like my heart was in a million pieces still so I had no home at the moment. The Cullens' residence would be the place I was staying but not home. Charlie's house wasn't home either. It was too lonely, too sad, and too cold.

We rode in silence to the house. I was in the back behind the passenger seat, Carlisle was driving, and Edward sat shotgun. I was hoping that after I woke up all the pain and despair from the months previous would just vanish since I had Edward and "my family" back but it didn't disappear. It all came back now that I was strong enough to think again. My emotions are everywhere- relieved, sad, angry, hurt, and exhausted.

We pulled up to the giant house. The last time I was here it was my birthday and everything collapsed that day. I slowly stepped out of the car and walked up to the door with Edward and Carlisle walking slowly behind me. I stood in front of the door staring at it like it was going to swallow me up or something. In a way I was scared to walk back in this house but I wasn't sure why.

Edward slowly opened the door for me and I gazed into the house with an uncertainty. I walked into the house and was met by Esme's arms and a kiss to my forehead. It was warm and motherly. It helped to dissipate the uncertainty and fear.

"Where is everyone?" I asked in a hoarse voice looking into Esme's warm eyes.

"They are all out hunting, dear. They wanted to give you some space to get settled in." Esme replied quietly. "Would you like to see your room?" I nodded not knowing what to say.

She led me up the stairs at human speed. I wasn't ready to go super-fast again yet. I was staying in the guest room. I wanted my own space that I could call mine or that I could escape to where no one would bother me. We got to the door and she opened it for me.

Inside the walls were painted a navy blue. There was a huge comfortable-looking bed in the center with the headboard against the wall with a comforter that was various shades of blue. There were bedside tables on each side of the bed and a dresser against one wall. There was a full size mirror hanging on the wall and a huge closet connected to the room. There was a large television sitting on a stand diagonal from the bed and laptop sat on a desk. There was also a big comfy-looking window seat in front of the window wall. You could see the forest and a creek in the distance. It was beautiful. I loved the whole room.

Looking closer you could see more personalized things. I saw pictures of Edward, the Cullens, and me hanging up and stat on the dresser. I also saw Charlie's badge sitting on the bedside table beside the clock. I was pretty sure Alice got some things to make me feel at home. Some of my own clothes hung in my closet along with a whole new wardrobe Alice and Rosalie must have bought for me. In the background my lullaby was coming from the stereo speakers placed around the room.

"It's beautiful Esme. Thank you so much. I could not ask for a better space of my own. Thanks so much." I turned and hugged Esme and Carlisle who was standing behind me watching me take in the room.

"You must be hungry. What would you like to eat?" Esme asked as I made my way to the bed.

"I'm not hungry. I just want to lie down." I climbed into the unbelievably comfortable bed and sheets. It was like lying in clouds.

"Bella, you need to eat. Your body is weak from the injury and you haven't been taking proper care of your body. You need something, even if it's just something small." Carlisle stated firmly with no room for argument. I just nodded. I wasn't hungry but I couldn't argue with him either.

Esme left the room and Carlisle walked over and sat on the edge of the bed next to my lying form. I could feel his eyes on me. He was now my father figure and I could tell that my not eating or letting anyone in yet was hurting him.

"Bella, I know it all hurts. First, we left you and then your father left you. You feel empty and lonely. I know we have to earn your trust back and show you that this family will not turn its back on you again, but you're going to have to let someone in. Talk to someone. If not that loneliness will eat you up inside. I know right now you just want to sleep all the time and with your body so weak it's not a bad thing but you're going to have to open your eyes back to reality and let the world back in." I thought about his words and he was right. I would have to but right now it was easier to just sleep and cry.

"I know." My voice cracked. "It's just too hard to face it all right now. It's too hard to let Edward or any of you back in. I can't feel the hurt again if you decide that I'm better off without you again. Next time I don't think anyone would be able to save me." My eyes were filling with tears again.

"I understand. We're not leaving again though." The door opened and Esme brought me a tray with a bowl of soup, some crackers, and a cup full of Sprite. I sat up in bed and she placed the tray in lap. It looked amazing.

"Where's Edward?" I voiced my curiosities while I began to eat my soup and crackers to my vampire parents who sat watching me with a close eye.

"He joined the rest of them hunting. He wanted to give you some space while you got settled in." Carlisle answered for me.

After eating half a bowl of soup and six crackers and drinking my glass of Sprite, Carlisle and Esme left me to rest. I decided to turn on the television while I lie in my bed. After flipping through show after show finding something that always reminded me of my dad, I turned off the television. I pulled out my paper and started to draw a new picture…

The next couple of days went by. I stayed in my room all the time. Esme would bring me every meal and snacks to me. I was never really hungry but her and Carlisle made me eat. Carlisle claimed that my body needed the nutrients and that my body needed to be on an eating schedule again and that I needed to eat some even if I wasn't hungry.

Everyone left me alone for the most part. Every now and then Alice would bounce in and make sure I was content. Jasper popped in once to apologize about my birthday but I dismissed it. He didn't need to apologize. He's a vampire. They are attracted to blood that runs through my veins. I know that… and I also know that every time I am around them something can happen. I'm okay with that.

Edward has stayed out of my room. I think he regrets me being here. He claimed that he still loved me but he doesn't show it anymore. It hurts even worse to stay here and not see him even though he is in the same house.

I can't find the strength to get out of bed and face reality. Instead I lay here drawing pictures and staring at the ceiling, thinking. I'm not sure I am making the right choice. Maybe I should go back to Charlie's house and pretend that the Cullens never came back. That would make it easier for Edward.

I decided that it would be better for me to just go downstairs and talk to everyone. I needed to find out what I should do and what people think. I left my drawings on my bed and walked to the door. I opened the door and slowly walked down the hall and descended the stairs.

I walked into the living room where Carlisle and Esme were reading, Alice and rose were looking at magazines and painting their finger nails, Jasper and Emmett were watching a baseball game, and Edward was listening to an his iPod. Every head turned to me when I walked into the room.

"Hello, dear. Did you need something?" I shook my head to Esme's kindness. "Are you sure?" I nodded.

"BELLA!!" I got attacked by Alice as she tackled me gently in a tight hug. "It's so great to see you up and moving." Jasper, Emmett, and Edward smiled in my direction.

"I was just lonely. I wanted to get up and see what everyone was up to." I mumbled even though I knew they could hear me perfectly fine. They nodded and I walked across the room and sat next to Edward on the couch. We sat in an awkward silence. I could tell he wanted to ask me something but he wouldn't say it.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked coldly turning towards me. His expression was hard and stern. I was confused and he must have seen it on my face because he decided to elaborate. "I mean the cutting. Why'd you decide to do that to yourself? It doesn't do anything except leave marks on your skin and supposedly helps you feel better… but it's only temporary."

"What do you mean 'why did I do it?'" My blood was beginning to boil. So this is what he wanted to ask. Why I hurt myself after he freaking left me abandoned. "You left me!! You ALL left me!!! You WERE my boyfriend, my BEST friend, and my PARENTAL FIGURES I didn't have!!!!" I yelled looking at all of them. The game had been muted and everyone was staring at me. They must have been waiting for me to snap.

"I was trying to keep you safe, Bella. We're not safe and you know that!" Edward replied looking me straight in the eyes with a glare and authority which just fueled my anger even more.

"YES! I know that!! Thank you very much Edward!!! I am a big girl and I can decide whether or not if I want to be around danger or not!! Walking down the street is dangerous for me! If you're going to try to keep me completely safe forever than why don't you just put me in a damn bubble and then put me in a padded room!!! You were the one that was afraid! You were running from your own fear!!!"

"I just wanted you to lead a normal life!!! I wanted you to move on and find someone else! Forget me!!! Lead a normal human life without dangerous vampires after you and pretend like I never existed!!!" Edward was now yelling and everyone was standing watching it.

"I could NEVER forget you!!! You were the best thing that has ever happened to me and this family is my life!!! I DON'T WANT a 'normal human life'!!! I like the life I was living before you left!!!" I felt angry tears streaming down my face now. I couldn't take much more of this.

"Well, I'm sorry!!! I don't know what else to say! I'm not leaving again!!! What else do you want?!?!"

"What I really want is to go back in time and convince you to stay!!! I want to stop my dad from going to work that day and getting killed!!!! That's WHAT I REALLY WANT! But unless you know some super vamp that can reverse time than you can't help me!!!" I stormed over to the end table, grabbed the keys to the Volvo, and stormed out to the car. I drove off going as fast as I could. I wasn't sure where I was going yet.

Edward POV:

What have I done? I pushed her too far. She wasn't ready for all the arguing. She had just come out of her room. This was not good. What was I suppose to do? I couldn't go after her right now. We would just fight some more. She needed to cool off and so did I. I looked around and everyone was still staring at me but I wasn't listening to their thoughts. I couldn't right now. I was hurting enough with only my thoughts.

"Should we go after her?" Esme asked. Alice shook her head. "What should we do then?"

"Let her have some time to think. She's dealing with the hurt and anger of everything. She just needs to sort through it all. Someone should go talk to her in a while." Carlisle answered in his calm voice. He probably knew this argument was coming.

I ran upstairs and stopped in front of Bella's door. I needed to feel her comfort and to smell her scent. I walked in and sat on her bed. I found pictures sat in a pile on her pillow. I sorted through them. The first was a picture of our whole family. We were all smiling and we were standing in front of the house. Bella was in this picture too. She looked happy for the first time since before left. Under the picture the words "All I Have Left" were written. The second was a picture of me, but I had angel wings and there was bright light behind me. Under were the words "My Hero". The third was a picture of our living room. Everyone was watching television. Carlisle and Esme sat together, Alice sat in Jasper's lap, and Rosalie had her head in Emmett's lap. I was sitting in the corner playing the piano. Under this picture "My Family" was printed.

They were beautiful. I laid there looking at them. Was she accepting the fact that she would live with us? Is this really what she wanted? Or did she want to be left to have her own life? Maybe that would be easier for her.

I heard the door open and my family walked in. They all looked worried and calm at the same time. They all stood there quietly just looking at one another.

"We think maybe someone should talk to her now. I think it has been enough time to get her thoughts together." Carlisle broke the silence. I shook my head.

"I can't speak to her. We will just fight again. I agree that she should talk to someone, but not me. Maybe Alice should talk to her." Alice shook her head. "That wouldn't result well. She doesn't want to talk to me either."

"I'll talk to her." Everyone looked toward the doorway with astonishing looks.

Bella POV:

When I stormed out of the house and stole Edward's Volvo I wasn't sure where I was going, I just drove. I found myself parking outside of the cemetery where Charlie was buried. I opened the door, grabbed Edward's jacket out of the back seat, and ran into his grave, only tripping twice. I laid down on the dirt/grass in front of his grave and cried.

"Dad, I miss you so much. I can't believe you're gone. I just want you back!! Please. I love you and I just don't know what to do anymore. I need some advice. I need to know what to do. Please just tell me what to do." I waited and just sobbed curling up into a ball. I'm not sure how long I laid there but the sun was setting and the clouds began pouring rain, but I didn't care. I couldn't get up. I couldn't leave my dad.

Eventually, I heard someone clear their throat and I turned my head quickly to find Emmett leaning against a tree watching me. He started to walk at human speed over to me.

"Hey Bells. How are you doing?" He asked looking at my red splotchy face and puffy red eyes. "Never mind, that was a stupid question. I wanted to come and talk to you." He walked over and sat on the ground next to me. I had my knees curled up to my chest and my arms around my legs.

"There's nothing to talk about, Emmett." I mumbled with my forehead on top of my knees.

"Sure there is. There is a lot to talk about." Emmett scooted so he was sitting right next to me and he put his muscle-toned arm over my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I was covered with mud and I was sopping wet, but he didn't care.

"We really did leave you to keep you safe, Bella. I know you can't see it and it may seem stupid to you but we didn't want to see you hurt or even worse killed. We already had to endure James' attack and that was hard. After the incident at your birthday Edward just didn't want to see you get hurt and especially by our own family." I looked up into his eyes and they were filled with sadness. I had tears running down my face. I couldn't be mad anymore. "Edward was a wreck after we left. He just sat in his room doing nothing. We had to force him to hunt and he stopped playing the piano or doing anything that he enjoyed. He was completely devastated and he couldn't function. I don't know how much longer he could take it, Bella. We all were sad and it affected all of us greatly. You have made all of our lives better. You were a light in our lives and without you there, it all went dark again. We need you, Bells. Don't give us on us yet. Let us prove that we will stay and be here for you. We want to be your family. We want to be there for you but you need to talk to us." I sniffled and looked back up to Emmett. Now was my time. Tears continued to stream down my cheeks but the rain made it impossible to tell, but I think Emmett knew anyways. He probably could smell them.

"I never gave up on you guys. NEVER. I kept my window open every night. Even in the cold, I would just grab more blankets out of the closet. I just wanted everyone back. I thought that if I kept the window open he would come back, but it never happened. I was nothing after you left. I was a zombie and I pushed everyone away. I couldn't do it, Emmett. It hurt way too much. I started drawing. It helped a lot. Then when it didn't work anymore, I turned to blades. I started cutting myself and it made me feel so much better. It made the physical pain take over the emotional pain and it made me feel alive again." I glanced up and Emmett's expression was filled with concern but also understanding. He tightened his hug on me and I leaned into him more, still crying. "I was alive because of Charlie. I couldn't just leave him here alone. I was all he had left and he was all I had. Charlie and I got into an argument. He was so worried about me and I felt so guilty. He went to Port Angeles to help with some gang activity and I went to the park to get out of the house. That's what he wanted. When I came home, I had a message from the hospital. He had been shot and died. He left me just like everyone else. I had nothing left… He was my last light left in this dark world and when it went out I was in pitch black. I couldn't take the dark or loneliness after that. I had nothing left to live for. That was it. I was going to die and I was okay with it. Then you guys came back. I just don't know how to feel anymore, Emmett."

"Well Bells, you have to follow your heart and your gut. What is it telling you? You said you had nothing left to live for, but we're back now. Are we enough to live for now? Do you still love Edward with everything you have left?" He questioned and all I could do was nod. "Well then we need to get up, get the stolen Volvo back to the house, get you cleaned up, and you need to go reconcile your relationship with Edward. It's not all going to happen in one day or even one week but with time we will show you that we won't leave again and then you can trust us again. How does that sound?"

"Are you sure Edward will want me back after the argument and me stealing his car?" Emmett's booming laughter sounded through the air at that question. "Of course he would. He would want you back no matter what you do. Come on."

Emmett picked me up and carried me back to the car. He put me in the passenger seat and he drove us back to the Cullen mansion. Now was the time to face Edward and the rest of the Cullens but mostly Edward. He parked the car in the garage and I got out and headed into the house. Everyone was sitting in the living room staring at a blank television screen and books, but I heard a familiar sounding lullaby that I hadn't heard in a long time.

I walked into the room and was met by seven pairs of golden eyes but one pair was the warmest. Those were the ones sitting at the piano with the music still playing.

***So what do you think? I have a little more planned and hopefully I can get it written up a little later. Please review and let me know what you think.**


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